Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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