their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
