Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
