You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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