just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
