Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
