The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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