That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
