my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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