Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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