I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
