i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
