I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
