I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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