Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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