see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
