I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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