He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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