...so i touched it.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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