I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
