his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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