Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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