marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
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Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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