so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
