By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
