also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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