I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
