i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
