My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
