After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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