My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
