If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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