I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Drunk is not a location!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
