The maid of honor just puked.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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