the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize