And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
