tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
