why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
