Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
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