The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
