What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
