Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children