FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM