i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.