he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.