Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Soap is not a condiment
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades