Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you