i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
