i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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