lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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