i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
