She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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