I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
