It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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