it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
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Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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