Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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