Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Who died my cat blue again?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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