i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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