I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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