When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
