dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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