are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
