The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
