Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
