I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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