Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
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America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
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I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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