The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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