well I can't set my house on fire every night
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
