im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
