I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
