it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
