I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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