i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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