man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
