he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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