Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
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failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
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