I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
