Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
