Screwed.edu
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
