he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize