He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
