We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
