he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
