I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
