Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
