They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
