32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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