i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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