She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
